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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 73 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Sep 4, 2012 12:35pm PDT
and the muscle and bone and sin new to barack obama, the son of a black man from kenya and white from kansas. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org invesco >> tonight, from the mile-high city, it's the democratic national convention. guess who's coming to denver. starring barack obama. the delegation from party town. and so many dreams to crush, we had to build a stadium. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: thank you very much. we're delighted to be here. thank you so much. thank you to the center for the performing arts at the university of denver being kind to us all week long and we've learned something about colorado that i want to share with you, there is absolutely no middle ground in this state. we were either a rapture-awaiting promise keeper. or you drive a car that runs on gorp. next week, of course, we'll be at a much lower altitude in st. paul, minnesota, covering the republican convention. obviously, so much more oxygen and yet somehow even harder to breathe. invesco field, 84,000 revelle
Comedy Central
Sep 4, 2012 12:05pm PDT
, at the end of his speech, barack obama brought the sun back. [applause] >> i didn't realize. that's awesome. >> by the way, that killed. >> i guess you should probably go now. >> yeah, yeah, the traffic. >> yes, thank you. aasif mandvi live from invesco field. [cheers and applause] >> now, obviously we'll have full coverage of obama's speech tomorrow. we want to digest it a little bit. it will be a special friday edition of the show. last night's convention proceedings offered a vivid demonstration of just how empowered the democratic party is in 2008. a moving national anthem sung by a sioux indian meatloaf impersonator gave way to a delegate roll call gavel call to order. it's the pink-suited lady almost conominee who called for the nomination of a black/white/hawaiian, or as it is known in democratic circles, wednesday. don't get nervous, america. they know what they're doing. there were plenty of white dudes to go around last night as well. it's not like the democrats are just a bunch of lesbians sitting around singing "give peace a chance." >> ♪ give peace a chance [laughter] >> ever
Comedy Central
Sep 6, 2012 10:55am PDT
the republican narrative that obama was a failed president who had accomplished nothing. and beat it back they did. >> president obama saved the auto industry. >> saved a million jobs. >> thanks to barack obama, james is working 60 hours a week on the jeep liberty line. >> yes! today james' life is endless toil and misery thanks to barack... oh. anyway, the point is... i'm sorry, you're not done? >> president obama has kept thousands of first responders on the job. >> he's saved the jobs of teachers. >> because of president obama's courage... >> he invested in clean energy, made health care a right. >> jon: made american babies 15% cuter! he invented a car that runs on hugs! president obama set up the jolly green giant with the statue of liberty. oh, yes, it seems obvious now! (laughter) anything else? >> when a violent egyptian mob stormed the israeli embassy in cairo it was president obama who intervened to ensuring the safety of the israelis. >> jon: what is he (bleep)ing iron man now? what are you talking about? (cheers and applause) look, we get it. obama's been busy. >> president ob
Comedy Central
Sep 5, 2012 10:55am PDT
quote took office. sure he can [bleep] hey, mr. president, it's still a free country until obama gets re-elected. no -- he got me again. at the republican convention, are you better off? no. now the next day of the 1kreu79d 1kreu79d -- scripted dance, do the journalist -- can you honestly say that people are better off today than they were four years ago? >> that's not the question of this selection. >> see, it's just a scripted dance where, wait a second. [laughter] do you know the democratic governor of maryland say. >> no,. [laughter] >> all right one surrogate down.
Comedy Central
Aug 31, 2012 11:00pm PDT
quote to lend my support to mitt romney in his crucial hour. will you not silence me, invisible barack obama. (laughter) i am going to tell you something, back where we work at the daily show on the west side of he'll kitchen in new york city, you don't have to go far to see an old man yelling at an inanimate object. (laughter) but rarely is that object on
Comedy Central
Sep 17, 2012 7:40pm PDT
said it was an extremely... >> stephen: obama's stimulus stimulated governor sanford in ways no one expected. well thank you so much for joining me. michael grunwald, "the new new deal." we'e >> stephen: good >> four years ago he made us hope again. >> yes, we can! >> now he wants to make us hope again-- again from charlotte, north carolina, this is the democratic national convention, hope and change, ii. it'd be less weird than if he didn't run. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) my name is jon stewart. charlotte, north carolina. my guest tonight new york senator kirsten gillibrand. it 150es 1:00 on the east coast. i imagine the cowboys game wrapping up and tonight's speaker bill clinton is about a quarter of the way through. (laughter) (as clinton) you remember my tax relief bill in' 912348 let me recite it to you from memory. we have full team coverage starting with span that bee at the convention center. sam bee. >> i'm not there yet. a lot of security in charlotte. (laughter) i'm still at a checkpoint on church and west 10th.
Comedy Central
Aug 31, 2012 11:00pm PDT
to mitt romney in his crucial hour. will you not silence me, invisible barack obama. (laughter) i am going to tell you something, back where we work at the daily show on the west side of he'll kitchen in new york city, you don't have to go far to see an old man yelling at an inanimate object. (laughter) but rarely is that object on stage at a national political convention. and almost never is that old man oscar winner clint eastwood. (applause) not that romney didn't get a chance to-- you know, i think he talked too. >> we americans have always felt a special kinship with the future. >> jon: yes, yes, we americans uniquely among earth's people, move forward in time. look, i don't-- (laughter) i don't care how many marco's rubio you put in between clint eastwood and mitt romney, romney ain't outshining this little playlet i like to call the old man and the seat. and here's why-- (laughter) it hurts-- here's why it hurts. it hurt these republicans bad because this convention like all conventions is a scripted and focused group fantasy and the display of eastwood's gran torino id was the very
Comedy Central
Sep 10, 2012 10:55am PDT
americans, what is black and white and killed osama bin laden? ( laughter ) ( applause ) president obama. request ( cheers and applause ) but before the man-- before the man who, from what i understand, had a role in the demise of terrorist mastermind osama bin laden-- >> done! ( laughter ). >> jon: got it. before the president would speak, we were treated to more democratic all-stars, the daughter of the president. a didn't become president. and the winner of the prestigious 2012 gesticulators invitational, former michigan governor, jennifer granholm. >> we need to ref up our engines in your car and on your ballots. the "d." is for drive forward. the "r." is for reverse. in this election, we are driving forward, not back. let's re-elect our great president, barack obama! >> jon: holy ( bleep )! i can't believe it. in my estimation, that woman shouldn't be driving at all! ( laughter ) ( applause ) she appears to be a drunk flight attendant. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you know, there's someone i met last week in tampa i would love to set the governor up with for a lost weekend of polit
Comedy Central
Sep 10, 2012 7:40pm PDT
). >> stephen: what do you think president obama-- that is excellent advice. that is excellent advice. what do you think president obama should lose this election over? ( laughter ) >> well, if he loses, if he loses, maybe he'll lose on obamacare, but if he loses he'll go out the door knowing he gave 31 million americans who never had it before health care. that's what-- ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you so much. governor ed rendell. "a nation of wusses." don't be one. we'll be right back. thank you. we asked over 3,000 doctors to review 5-hour energy and what they said is amazing. over 73 percent who reviewed 5-hour energy said they would recommend a low calorie energy supplement to their healthy patients who use energy supplements. seventy-three percent. 5-hour energy has four calories and it's used over nine million times a week. is 5-hour energy right for you? ask yodoctor. we already asked 3,000. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: that's it for the report, everybody. we'll see you in a >> four years ago, he made us hope again. >> yes, we can! >> now he wants to make us
Comedy Central
Sep 12, 2012 10:55am PDT
. (cheers and applause) i want barack obama to be the next president of the united states. >> four more years! >> jon: no, no you know, i can't, i already served my two terms. no, i get it, i get what you're saying, man, but jus just-- the constitution is what-- oh, you me-- oh, okay. (laughter) bill clinton feeds off an audience like superman drawing power from the earth. yellow sun. that obligation will be determined by their salary. this will change the future for young americans. (cheers and applause) >> jon: whoo! so after an inspiring but tight 35 minutes stem winder-- what, that wasn't the end, now that brings me to health care. >> jon: 35 minutes into this thing are you really going to go to health care t is past 11:00 t is kind of a complicated subject, but have at it. >> let me ask you something, are we better off because president obama fought for health-care reform? you bet we are. >> jon: thank you, good night, everybody. and god bless those of you who can still catch the very end of the cowboys giants game on -- >> there were two other attacks on the president in tampa. >>
Comedy Central
Sep 19, 2012 11:00pm PDT
with the presidency. i think if there's one thing everyone can agree on in the entire country, it's that barack obama is... >> the worst president we've had in my lifetime. >> he's the worst president. >> the absolute worst president. >> the worst president in history. >> >> jon: exactly. onyango obama is objectively the worst president in history. and that includes our 30th president, calvin coolio. [laughter] that's when america has descended into a bit of a gangsta's paradise. [laughter] anyway, obama's place as the worst president in history explains why he is getting so crushed. >> president obama is leading mitt romney nationally by five points among likely voters. >> jon: with support. crushed with support. [laughter] well, romney's inability to trounce history's worst president was all scheduled to change this week with a very announced campaign reboot, which as you know involves mr. romney taking a paperclip and putting it into a hole. i don't want to talk about it. [laughter] brings back memories of when i used to have to reboot ref men at the genius bar. [laughter] unfortunately romney's r
Comedy Central
Sep 6, 2012 11:00pm PDT
and care-free life of decadence as a tenured college professor. barack obama, i'm assuming has just finished his speech accepting the nomination of the democratic party and at the end of it threw down his mike and said [bleep] all y'all. that was weird! (cheers and applause) let's begin the night with night 2 of the democratic national convention where democrats are capitalized-- the passionate populism of deval patrick. the lo qua shouldness of uno e dual and michelle obama who crushed it so hard republicans were desperate to change the subject. >> republicans are now blasting the democrat's platform. >> why would they remove that jerusalem should be the capital imof israel. >> the word god was gone. the one reference before, the republicans had 12 references of god. >> how there can be an entire section on faith if you don't mention god with. what do we have faith in. >> i have faith in a god without isn't so insecure he doesn't freak out if you don't mention his name enough. god is not a media figure, you know. god isn't like an inside the beltway media figure who first thing the
Comedy Central
Sep 28, 2012 7:10pm PDT
, applesauce and low fat milk. oooh. why is this news? >> new guidelines thanks to michelle obama, michelle obama school lunch calorie limits. >> michelle obama nutritional school lunches. >> jon: oh, man, oh, right, that's right. because this isn't really about food or kids. it's about big government uber thanny michelle obama who if she said we feed clean air half the country would demand gills because freedom! listen the complaint. >> the usda shouldn't be deciding how many calories we take or how many calories we expend during the day. at some point it personal responsibility, i'm talking about. >> jon: this is america, jack. just because uncle sam is buying me lunch doesn't mean he request tell me what to eat-- he can tell me what to eat. by the way, how do you feel about this. >> the issue should you be able to use, be allowed to use an abd card i food stamp card at a mcdonald's. >> i would rather have my tax dollar going a family buying stuff at costco and bulk. >> jon: right, because this is america, jack! if uncle sam is paying for the meal, uncle sam gets to tell where you to eat.
Comedy Central
Sep 4, 2012 11:30am PDT
speech? she has to sell it. hillary clinton cannot dance tonight. >> we want barak obama to be the president of the united states. >> if you walk into a party and you have a ketchup stain on your shirt and no one will hear what you have to say until you address it. that is m what hillary has to do tonight. joz sh>>jon: she has to clean i. >> hillary: no way, no how.no m. i support barak obama for president. jo>>jon: a shocking endorse many. >> mentmany. >> the speech was a little low . >> i don't think hillary is nearly as big a problem for obama as bill clinton. jo>>jon: let's not forget about longer clinton and what about george clinton he could bump things up senior a analyst john oliver joins us right now. thank you very much. [cheers and applause] >> and that is a high altitude. >> sea level.john, hillary neede a strong statement of support for barak obama. she made several of them. >> john: did she, jon jo.jon: i. >> john: did you.jon: i just sa. play the clip. >> hillary: no way, no how, nom. >> john: she never said shelaidr said she was human garbage. that would h
Comedy Central
Sep 7, 2012 11:00am PDT
passionate populism of deval patrick. the lo qua shouldness of uno e dual and michelle obama who crushed it so hard republicans were desperate to change the subject. >> republicans are now blasting the democrat's platform. >> why would they remove that jerusalem should be the capital imof israel. >> the word god was gone. the one reference before, the republicans had 12 references of god. >> how there can be an entire section on faith if you don't mention god with. what do we have faith in. >> i have faith in a god without isn't so insecure he doesn't freak out if you don't mention his name enough. god is not a media figure, you know. god isn't like an inside the beltway media figure who first thing they do when they get a book is check their index for the names. god doesn't do that that is weird you mentioned trees and saving the earth but you don't mention the guy who created the whole thing, i mean, all i'm saying is whatever, guys. (laughter) that was my impression of god. (laughter) and not very good. but guess what, democrats aren't going to get sucked into that game. didn'
Comedy Central
Sep 8, 2012 1:05am PDT
, not back. let's re-elect our great president, barack obama! >> jon: holy ( bleep )! i can't believe it. in my estimation, that woman shouldn't be driving at all! ( laughter ) ( applause ) she appears to be a drunk flight attendant. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you know, there's someone i met last week in tampa i would love to set the governor up with for a lost weekend of political infighting and hate ( bleep ). >> president obama's never run a company. he hasn't even run a garage sale or seen the inside of a lemonade stand. >> jon: that would be a hell of a conversation. "why won't you extend the bub tax cuts?" "why do you want a voucher system isystem?" ( bleep ) friday night. and then,, vice president joe biden gave a powerful speech, emphasizing his blue collar roots, his strong family ties and of course his physical proximity to the president. >> day after day, night after night ti sat beside him as he made one gutsy decision after the other. i walked 30 paces down the hall into the oval office, and i see him. i watch him in action. i got to see firsthand what drove this man. folk
Comedy Central
Sep 25, 2012 11:00pm PDT
their chances like the rest of us. (laughter) seriously. i'm sure there's a good reason why president obama's not going to be face to face with world leaders in these difficult and historic times. >> the president obviously has a busy schedule. he has a busy schedule all time. >> jon: yeah, he's got a busy schedule! (laughter) he can't just be meeting every world leader willy-nilly! (laughter) just because he's not meeting them face to face doesn't mean he's not filled with high level strategic room defcon economic simulations. >> president obama will appear on "the view" this morning. (audience reacts) >> jon: moments like these in an election season that you would think would be crushing obama's reelection chances. and yet they are not. why, you ask? (laughter) it's the subject of tonight's news segment "barack obama's the luckiest dude on the planet." (laughter) in an ordinary election involving a stagnant economy, global unrest, and the typical incumbent president would be at an enormous disadvantage. unless-- >> does the government have a responsibility to provide health care to the 50
Comedy Central
Aug 31, 2012 7:10pm PDT
obama. >> what? you mean the $716 billion in payments to provider exact same amount republicans also proposed for cuts to medicare in their highly praised what was the name of it ryan budget? i can't believe ryan seacrest would suggest -- wait a minute! ryan! >> he created a new bipartisan debt commission. they came back with an urgent report. he thanked them, sent them on their way and then did exactly nothing. >> jon: oh, right. that was the bowles-simpson proposal that was never officially presented to concert in part because it was voted down by a blue-eyed dream boat named ryan. ryan gosling -- wait a minute! you know what? we need to tell a personal story about an auto plant that closed in ryan's district. perhaps this will hold hard truths. >> president obama, candidate obama said i believe if our government is there to support you this plant will be here for another 100 years. that is what he said in 2008. that plant didn't last another year. the recovery that was promised is nowhere in sight. >> jon: yeah, except that plant announced in june of 2008 that it would be stopp
Comedy Central
Sep 11, 2012 10:55am PDT
's a -- he's a sick man. he was volunteering on the obama campaign for almost a full year before he was elected. and he comes up to visit me and he gets off the train and he's wearing a mccain hat, which i couldn't quite figure out. and it turns out it's because he found it on the train. that's how cheap my father is. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] he would wear a hitler jumpsuit if it was free. [ laughter ] a fun-loving hitler jumpsuit that said, "hitler -- why not?" just couldn't quite keep his jew fingers -- his "jingers" -- off the free thing. he had to grab it. [ laughter, applause ] >> a party, too history on nick for facts. a candidate too successful for taxes. a city where flip-flops are everywhere. from tampa, florida. this is the republican national convention, the road to jeb bush 2016! captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. in the great city of tampa, this is the third night that officially qualifies the daily show as an invasive species. so mich
Comedy Central
Sep 26, 2012 7:30pm PDT
defcon economic simulations. >> president obama will appear on "the view" this morning. (audience reacts) >> jon: moments like these in an election season that you would think would be crushing obama's reelection chances. and yet they are not. why, you ask? (laughter) it's the subject of tonight's news segment "barack obama's the luckiest dude on the planet." (laughter) in an ordinary election involving a stagnant economy, global unrest, and the typical incumbent president would be at an enormous disadvantage. unless-- >> does the government have a responsibility to provide health care to the 50 million americans who don't have it today? >> well, we do provide care for people who don't have insurance. we pick them up in an ambulance and take them to the hospital and give them care and different states have different ways of providing for that care. (laughter) >> jon: unless-- normally he would be in trouble unless that incumbent president is running against the guy who just appeared to suggest that we don't need to do a health care plan for uninsured americans because we have emergency r
Comedy Central
Sep 25, 2012 10:45am PDT
, a lot of unrest and anger in the middle east this past week. the condemnation of obama has been swift and furious >> this leading from behind obama doctrine is up in flames >> terrorists believe they can attack our embassy with impunity, they believe the killr ambassador and there will be no response >> how much longer can we afford to spill our blood and treasure trying to, quote unquote, promote democracy in places that do not have any values for civilized society. >> jon: yes. democracy promotion is wrong. that's a somewhat isolationist position, ex-governor palin. does anyone see our role in the world differently? yes, you 2008 still governor palin >> i see our role in the world as one of being a force for good, to help these rising smaller democratic countries that are just, you know, they're putting themselves on the map right now >> jon: what a bold freedom agenda. it's a little bit naive. i mean, think of the blow-back >> egyptians elected a muslim brotheredhood member to head their country. let's not forget. this is very first place in the middle east that president obama pro
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 73 (some duplicates have been removed)